Seeing the Good in People: How I Ignored the Red Flags and Found My Way to Healing

There’s something beautiful about seeing the good in others—seeing their potential, forgiving their flaws, and hoping for the best. But sometimes, that desire to see only the good can lead us into dark places, especially when we ignore the red flags waving right before us. I spent years in relationships where I focused on the good and closed my eyes to the painful reality of the situation. Over time, I found myself entangled in relationships with people who thrived on narcissism, manipulation, and control, turning my life into an emotional roller coaster.

Love-Bombing and Control

Looking back, some of my relationships started with the most amazing gestures. I felt like the center of someone’s universe, showered with love and attention. This tactic, often known as "love bombing," was intoxicating. It felt like I had finally found someone who valued me deeply and was genuinely committed. But soon after, the thrill faded, and I saw the other side—a controlling, possessive nature that I had ignored in those early days.

There were times when I was given promises of change, promises that things would get better, that my partner wanted to make the relationship work just as much as I did. Each promise was like a thread, binding me back to them. I believed that if I just loved a little more, gave a little more, they would see it and transform. But it was all part of a cycle—love-bombing, followed by control, manipulation, and then broken promises.

Emotional Manipulation and Narcissism

In hindsight, I realize how much these relationships revolved around narcissistic behavior. Narcissists have a way of making everything about themselves, dismissing your feelings, and leaving you questioning your reality. I was often blamed for their shortcomings and felt constantly on edge, like I had to prove my worth to them over and over again. Their emotional roller coasters kept me off balance, always hoping for a version of them that only surfaced temporarily.

I was made to feel like I was the reason things weren’t working. I was "too sensitive," "too demanding," or "overreacting" whenever I tried to stand up for myself or question their behavior. Over time, I doubted my own feelings and often thought that if I just tried harder, everything would be okay.

The Cycle of Broken Promises

One of the most damaging patterns I endured was the cycle of broken promises and unfulfilled expectations. I can't count how many times I heard, "I’ll change," or, "I’ll make it right." Yet each time I waited for that change, I was left disappointed, still clinging to hope that they’d finally become the person they’d promised to be. I became so attached to the idea of change that I let it outweigh the reality of the situation.

The worst part was that I believed these promises with all my heart. Each time, I thought, "This will be it." But those promises were never fulfilled, leaving me feeling empty, betrayed, and questioning why I kept going back for more. It took time to realize that these words were often just bait to keep me around, to keep me hoping, to keep me from seeing the truth.

Breaking Free and Healing

Leaving these relationships wasn’t easy. For years, I felt trapped in a cycle of false hope, shame, and emotional turmoil. But I learned a hard truth: we can’t change people. We can only choose to walk away and prioritize our own peace, self-respect, and well-being.

In the process of healing, I discovered that I didn’t have to change myself to keep others happy. I didn’t have to mold myself to fit someone else’s expectations, nor did I have to sacrifice my own happiness for the illusion of a perfect relationship. Slowly, I began to rebuild my self-worth, embracing the reality that I deserved better.

Final Thoughts

Seeing the good in people is a gift, but it should never be a reason to tolerate abuse, control, or manipulation. It's taken time, but I now see red flags for what they are: warnings. I am no longer afraid to walk away if a relationship isn't nurturing or fulfilling.

If you’re someone who tends to see only the best in people, remember to prioritize yourself and listen to your gut. No matter how much you want to help or how much potential you see, know that a relationship shouldn’t drain you or make you feel less than you are. Healing takes time, but you are worthy of a love that doesn’t require you to ignore your own needs or silence your own voice.

Remember, we’re not defined by our past relationships but by how we choose to heal and grow from them. My journey has taught me to love myself fiercely, and in doing so, I’ve learned that true love will never come with strings attached.